I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
