No more Irish car bombs ever.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She bit a glass in half.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
