I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
