Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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