Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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