i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
