she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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