She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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