After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You were trust falling into bushes
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