Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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