In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
