It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
