I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just puked most of my soul out..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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