I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
