he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
