i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
