I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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