You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
