yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
