What did we do last night that was yellow?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Less talking, more tequila
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
