I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
