Buhtt sex?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
