You work out of a Hotel?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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