I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This baby is an asshole
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
