It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
