We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
