Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
