I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's get the cat blown out
I have aggressive nipples.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
