I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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