last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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