How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
