I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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