Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My vagina is officially offended.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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