@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
