i just wanna soil my oats bro
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
