Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
