You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
