I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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