i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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