How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
