You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
