How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
