One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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