Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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