I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
