Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
