There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
