There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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