Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
