The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
