Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this is an emotional support booty call
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
