my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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