I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
