dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
