Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
