Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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