i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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