hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
