Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
