well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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