Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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